Every single decision, big or small, represents a pivotal destination in our lives; a goal or milestone that many of us aspire to achieve. From the traditional markers of success like completing education, climbing the career ladder, building a family, to finally resting as a ‘retiree’, our lives have standardized into linear progressions toward a series of predefined endpoints.
But beneath this structured surface lies a more foundational quest, one that drives the very essence of our being: the pursuit of happiness.
Yet, as we walk through these phases of live, there’s a haunting sensation, subtle yet persistent, that the happiness we crave to achieve is always fleeting. As soon as we attain one goal, we set our sights on the next.
We’re constantly struggling to touch a shadow, that fades away as soon as we get close to it.
This constant striving, this perpetual motion towards something just out of reach, raises a critical question: Are we truly living, or are we merely chasing shadows?
The Phenomenon of “Destination Addiction”
Robert Holden, a psychologist, coined the term “destination addiction” to describe the preoccupation with the idea that happiness lies in the next job, the next relationship, or the next achievement. Under this illusion, life becomes an endless cycle of “I’ll be happy when…” statements. But this addiction to a hypothetical future can prevent us from living fully in the present, from appreciating the here and now.
Why are we trapped in this cycle? Is it an inherent part of the human condition, or is it a learned behavior reinforced by societal norms and expectations? From an early age, society instills in us a reward-based system where good behavior is incentivized.
Children’s actions are modified through positive and negative reinforcements, rewards and punishments, setting the foundation for a life conditioned by the pursuit of external rewards.
“You do ‘MY version’ of the ‘good’, you get praised, or even better!”
“You do ‘MY version’ of ‘wrong’, you get blamed, or worse!”
This child has now learned to get their moral cues by following rewards and punishments imposed by any authority figure, which will likely translate, later in life, to societal norms/pressures.
The Societal Blueprint and Its Impact
As we grow, the stakes get higher. The rewards shift from sweet treats to symbols of status and power. The accumulation of wealth, the expansion of influence, and the enhancement of status become the markers of success. Society applauds the wealthy, the powerful, and the successful, reinforcing a cycle where self-worth is tied to achievement and accumulation.
This societal blueprint molds not just individual aspirations but also frames the structure of our communities. Capitalism, with its emphasis on growth and accumulation, has given birth to ‘Consumerism’, an incessant desire to consume more.
This form of consumerism thrives on and perpetuates a cycle of constant desire, where having more ‘material consumption’ is equated with prosperity. The more you consume, the more you have; and the more you have, the more successful is your societal perception.
This drives a wedge between personal fulfillment and societal expectations.
The Psychological and Environmental Toll
This relentless pursuit can lead to a myriad of psychological stresses and even mental illnesses. Anxiety, depression, and a pervasive sense of dissatisfaction can haunt the most successful among us because the goalposts of success keep moving further and further away. Moreover, this incessant striving for more has significant environmental implications. In our quest for more, we exploit natural resources, prioritize growth over sustainability, and create imbalances that threaten ecological stability.
In essence, we consume, at the cost of others. Other lifeforms, other generations, and whoever ‘other’ is not us.
But…
But what if we paused this relentless chase and reevaluated our metrics for happiness and success?
The need for reflection has never been more critical. It involves questioning the very foundations of our desires and examining whether they stem from genuine needs or imposed values. It’s about understanding that happiness might not be about having more but about being more, more present, more engaged, and more content with the now.
These ‘manufactured desires’ are just like the biased concepts of ‘right and wrong’ from our childhood, imposed on us by an authority figure that we cannot interact with, or see. This authority figure is all around us, like an invisible hand, guiding our decisions. We have been molded to submit to this authority without question. It reminds me of the mighty elephants, who’re trained for the circus since birth and fail to ever question their captives. We all know how the story ends if the elephant ever realized its true potential against its master.
To develop this shift in perception, we must cultivate mindfulness and gratitude. Mindfulness allows us to live in the present moment, to appreciate life in its entirety, and without constant comparison to past achievements or future aspirations. Gratitude shifts our focus from what we lack to what we possess, fostering a sense of abundance from existing blessings. These two qualities divert us from “I’ll be happy when…” to “I’m happy now…”
There IS a better way!
Imagine a society where success is measured not by accumulation but by contribution. Where happiness is derived not from what we can extract from the world but from what we can give back to it. In this society, creativity, compassion, and community take precedence over competition, consumption, and conquest.
As writers, thinkers, and citizens, we have the power to redefine the narrative of success and happiness. Through our words and actions, we can inspire change that emphasizes ethical living and sustainable practices. We can advocate for policies that prioritize long-term welfare over short-term gains, cultivating a culture that values environmental stewardship and social equity.
Beyond Destination Addiction
The journey toward a more fulfilling life requires a collective awakening, a realization that our traditional paths to happiness might be leading us astray. By challenging the status quo and embracing a new paradigm of living, we can transform our personal lives and, by extension, our communities. It is a journey that begins with introspection and culminates in action, as we strive to create a world where the pursuit of happiness aligns with the principles of sustainability and equity.
This transformation is not just possible; it is necessary. As we face global challenges that threaten our well-being and the planet’s health, rethinking our pursuit of happiness is not merely philosophical, it’s imperative.
Let this be a call to action, an invitation to venture on a path of meaningful living and responsible citizenship, paving the way for a future that celebrates life in all its dimensions
